Thursday, February 28, 2013

WW Weigh-In #60

I feel like I had a very good week. I did my best to eat well and I felt better overall for it. And it showed on the scale:

Last week: 196.0 lb
This week: 195.0 lb
Total lost: 1.0 lb

It's not much but it's something! I would still like to lose 25 lb before my wedding, but I'll be happy if I can lose (and keep off) 15 lb. The more I struggle with my weight the more I think 180 lb might just be were it's at for me and that the last 10 lb to 170 will be my lifelong battle.

Honestly, though, that wouldn't be bad at all.

Monday, February 25, 2013

After the Oscars

Did you watch the Oscars last night? I sure did! The Beau even watched the first 2 1/2 hours with me and we had lots of fun making fun of things.

I also entered an Oscar pool and - drum roll please - I WON! I went 21/24 and I'm pretty proud of that, considering I had only seen one nominated film this year. (It was The Avengers and it lost its category.)

 See, I won!

I mostly watch the show for the clothes and I found the red carpet to be hella boring last night. Lots of sparkly column dresses and long, flowy hair. Honestly, it looked like most of the women came straight from the beach and wrapped themselves in sequined towels.

I've also realized that many media outlets have terrible taste, as my picks for best dressed made their worst dressed lists. Silly media outlets.

My faves for the night were Naomi Watts, Olivia Munn, Amanda Seyfried, Jennifer Garner and Deborah Lee Furness (aka Mrs Wolverine - she wore a pant suit! Love!).

 Naomi Watts; photo found here.

Olivia Munn; photo found here.

Amanda Seyfried: photo found here.

Jennifer Garner; photo found here.

Deborah Lee Furness; photo found here.

But even with my pool win and impeccable taste in fashion, I'm proudest of this: I snacked on veggies all night!

At one point, while whining for chocolate, the Beau said he knew where there was chocolate in the house. I told him I didn't want to know about that and that I was counting on my laziness to keep me from going to the corner gas station and loading up on crappy food. And laziness for the win, ladies and gentlemen! I did have a hot chocolate to help quell my craving - and it worked! - and for the rest of the night I chowed down on baby carrots.

(I did have one square of Lindor almond chocolate at the end of the night, but it was only one square, which is really just fine.)

Overall, I did much better last night than Seth McFarlane who, while not terrible, was at best okay. Though he's an amazing singer. AMAZING. If he had sung the entire show it would have been that much better.

(And Catwoman and Mystique totally won Oscars too, which is awesome!)

Friday, February 22, 2013

I'm trying

Behold, my lunch and afternoon snack for today!

It's really time for me to be honest with myself (and the four people who read this blog): a big reason I slacked and pretty much stopped tracking my points is because I didn't like seeing the points values of my favourite bad foods and how quickly they depleted my daily allotment. 

Out of tracking, out of mind, right? Maybe, but definitely not out of hips.

Knowing I need to be better and that I need to try harder - and knowing how crappy I feel (mentally and physically) after junk food - I set out today to start trying. For my lunch, I had turkey on whole wheat bread with lots of veggies and regular mustard (but no cheese - sigh). The salad was chopped veg (no lettuce because, really, why bother?) topped with reduced-fat Italian dressing and bacon bits for crunch. The fruit cup I'm saving for this afternoon when I inevitably crave something sweet. 

When tallied, the sandwich, salad and fruit cup come in at six points.


That's it. I get to eat ALL THAT and it only costs me six points. My coffee this morning was two points so all told, by this afternoon I'll only have used eight points of my allotted 31.

So with 23 points left on the day, it really feels like I have endless choices. Of course, bad food will use up those points pretty quickly so I still have to be mindful. But when I actually stop to think about it, I can eat a lot of god stuff for minimal points so not tracking because I want to have a cheeseburger is a really lousy excuse. 

I'm definitely going to try harder, not just with eating better but with tracking all that I eat, cheeseburgers and salads and donuts and fruit and all of it.

Wednesday, February 20, 2013

WW Weigh-In #59

It's my birthday today! And not only did my age go up; so did the scale.

Last week: 195.2 lb
This week: 196.0 lb
Total gained: 0.8 lb

Really, it was all my fault. My week was filled with a concert (and dinner and beer at a pub); babysitting the nephews (and using this as a good excuse to eat sugar donuts and chips); a night out for my birthday (with more dinner and beer at a pub); a holiday Monday filled with day-after-drinking fried chicken; and then Tuesday spent trying to undo it all.

In all of these situations I could have made better choices but I didn't. And I can't keep using the excuse that I want to be able to still have fun while losing weight because, often, what I like to do for fun is not conducive to weight loss.

So really, it's a matter of focusing on what's important: using fun as an excuse to not be good about my eating or finding a way to have sensible fun and still lose weight.

It would seem that the answer is obvious yet by reading this blog for the past year and a bit, it's much easier said than done.

Saturday, February 16, 2013

WW Weigh-In #58

In keeping with the weighing-in-on-time-but-posting-late theme, here we go:

Last week: 194.0 lb
This week: 195.2 lb
Total gained: 1.2 lb

Interestingly enough, I gained back exactly what I had lost the week before. That was partly because of the awesome sibling weekend we had with the Beau's siblings and their spouses. Oh, and bowling is not a physical enough activity to work off an amazing dinner at an Italian restaurant, complete with red wine, and followed by dessert at home that included cookies, orange loaf and chocolate brownies with mint icing. (Seriously, why did it take me this long to think of putting mint icing on brownies? Must try peanut butter next.)

I have been doing my best to be active this week too. Wednesday was another big walking day: I spent my day off walking down Runnymede to Bloor (a half hour walk) and then wandered around the bookstore for another hour. Yesterday was a bit harder as we went to see The Tragically Hip; the only activity was some awkward, confined-space dancing but I did do it for almost two hours. Today was more walking and some stretching and exercise band resistance work while watching a movie.

Tomorrow we're off to baby-sit the nephews overnight so some frolicking in the snow will be in order, then we'll see what Sunday brings. Plus it's Family Day weekend so I'm off Monday AND we don't have an issue going out next week so I took Tuesday off too. That means I can get some activity in on those days too!

I'm also going to make a concerted effort to really track my points. I was doing my best when I was banking all my activity points. When I did that, even when I used up all my flex points (and sometimes went into my activity points) I was consistently losing on weeks when I had activity points in the bank. And on those days when it feels like I haven't had nearly enough food to have used up so many points it's nice to see accumulating points mean something good.

There are also some changes coming at work, which I should know more about next week. And these should be good changes too so I'm excited about what's going to be happening and how that will have a positive impact on me.

I also turn 33 next week. Weird.

Saturday, February 9, 2013

WW Weigh-In #57

It's a late post again, but I did get on the scale Wednesday morning.

Last week: 195.2 lb
This week: 194.0 lb
Total lost: 1.2 lb

That's a bit better.

So how am I doing just being active? Wednesday I spent a good four hours walking - sure, it was walking around the mall but it was still four hours of walking.  Thursday saw a workout with free weights and 40 minutes on the exercise bike. Friday I was home late and didn't have time to fit in a good workout but today I'm planning a nice walk to my optometrist (an hour round trip) and bowling tonight! BOWLING! I love bowling!

And tomorrow I want another good weights workout. So overall I'm doing all far.

Tuesday, February 5, 2013

My new fitness plan

How many times have I blogged about my latest and greatest plans for fitness and building an active lifestyle? I'd look up those posts, but frankly I'm embarrassed. I've had so many wonderful ideas that have only ever been that: I was going to get up early and exercise before work (nope - I like sleep); I was going to run regularly (this did happen - then allergies and inability to breathe kicked in); I was going to go to the gym five days a week (also happened - but I'm tired of my work gym).

So now what?

The current plan is to be active, at least five days a week. Just some kind of active. Get on the bike we have at home, go for a walk, go for a run, take a class - just be active. I'm going to try to fit something into Mondays and Tuesdays but because I work late on those days, I'm going to cut myself some slack if it doesn't happen. But if the weather is nice I'm going to at least try to get outside for a walk.

I'm also looking into classes at various gyms near my house. So far I've found zumba, spin and yoga that are offered at times I can make in locations that are close. I'm also going to get a new, nicer gym bag (so far I've been using an old one of the Beau's) and I'm going to reevaluate my workout wardrobe. If I have the pieces I need and something good to carry them in, I can make these workouts happen.

But I'm going to go easy on myself for now: just be active. I love the idea of long, hard, sweaty workouts every day but I need to face up to reality and admit to what I'll actually do. And I want to fit other things into my life, like knitting and wedding planning and seeing my fiance.

No matter what, though, I am totally capable of just being active.

So very simple.

Monday, February 4, 2013

And the end of the terrible, horrible, no good, very bad week

I don't often look forward to Monday, but I was very glad to see it this morning. The past week (well, nine days, really) have been pretty rough for both the Beau and myself - and it was all my fault.

It all started a week ago Friday, when I came home inexplicably crushed because of my body size. I was just so upset about how big I perceived myself to be, how high my weight was, how awful I was certain I looked. Now, I have these funks from time to time and usually a night of pouting and self-pity are enough to make it go away.

Not this time.

My funk continued through the weekend, though it broke a bit Saturday night when we had friends in for dinner. But it picked up again on Sunday and only got worse when I weighed in this past Wednesday and hated the number on the scale.

Thursday was bad. Friday was worse. Saturday was really worse. But then I realized why my emotions were so erratic - I got my period. For me, the worst symptom of PCOS is irregular periods. Usually I'm pretty good at gauging my moods and figuring out if PMS is contributing to my emotional meltdowns. I thought that might be the case this past week but I was honestly a little freaked out when my mood just didn't get better for over a week.

Even figuring out the root cause didn't make me feel any better and Saturday the Beau and I almost had it out. I think we've only really fought once or twice and we don't raise our voices to each other; we get mad, but we get quiet and go to separate rooms until we calm down and then we talk it out. Saturday, though, it almost all came out. And it really sucked.

By Sunday morning, I was back to my old self: still aware I have to get in shape but at least focused on what I have to do and how I have to work at it. And it was one of those weird things, where I went to bed Saturday night unhappy with myself and woke up Sunday feeling so much better; it was almost a little scary how suddenly my mood changed.

I'm thinking it's finally time I investigate other forms of therapy, namely CBT, which will help me change the way I perceive myself and the thoughts I have about myself. It was one thing when my body image issues dragged me down and the Beau just dealt with it as best he could, but it's another when I drag him down with me and we both end up at the bottom of a spiral of despair.

It also freaks me out that simply getting my period makes me so depressed about my weight. It's one thing when I know it's coming; I can prepare myself, be ready, understand why my pants don't fit. But it's a whole 'nother thing when it punches me in the gut from out of the blue like that. Which is why I finally need to accept that I need help learning how to think better of myself. And I wonder if this will help me with my own weight loss goals in that I won't feel as guilty or beat myself up when I make a mistake and fall off the wagon completely, but instead accept it and move on.

Regardless, I know it's time for a serious change. With so many great things happening this year, it feels like just the right time to also change my self-image.