Monday, March 28, 2011

Have a happy Monday with...commercials

Yes, I understand that in this day of PVRs, TV on DVD, internet downloading and all other ways of watching television without actually sitting through a television show, commercials are not always tops on people's must-see lists.  But sometimes, commercials are worth watching for the smile they put on your face, much like these ones do for me.

Some kitty love...

 ...and a little chocolate...

...then things get sexy.

Love love love them!

Up-Down Challenge Weigh-in #7

Even though it's Monday, I did weigh myself.  The result: 196.6 lb.

That's +0.2 lb from last week.  Bloody hell.

I gotta say, it's a little tough to see so much seesawing right at the beginning.  I mean, if I could just drop 10 lb, that would feel like a victory.  Even getting down 5 lb before felt amazing. 

But I'm just going to keep at it because I'm no quitter!  Boo-yah!

Sunday, March 27, 2011

Learning to love myself

It's not easy, that's for sure.

As I've mentioned before, this blog isn't just about losing weight and getting physically healthy, it's also about improving my emotional and mental health, and a big part of that is learning to love myself, as I am now and as however I'll be over the coming days/weeks/months/years/forever.  Because there's no fixed time limit on loving oneself, after all.

I often find the green-eyed monster emerging within me when I see slender women, who can walk into any clothing store and not have to look for the largest size and who know something will fit.  I start thinking, "I wonder what it's like to be that slim?  I wonder what it's like to love yourself?"

Of course, I'm making the assumption that every slim woman out there loves herself; after all, she's skinny so why wouldn't she?  When I think like this, I know I'm falling for that societal ideal that being a skinny woman = winning at life.  And that's not always (and likely most often not) the case.

When it comes to winning at life, I've got it goodGOOOOOOD.  I'm working in my chosen field, for a magazine I've always wanted to work for.  I'm making enough money to allow me to pay off my debts and even put a little bit away in savings.  I'm in a strong, stable, loving relationship with a man that I'm head-over-heels crazy for.  We live in a fantastic condo in Toronto and we're gearing up to get into a house next year.  We have the cuddliest kitty EVER.  And we're surrounded by amazing, wonderful, supportive and loving family and friends.

See, I've got it good.  And I know this.  But I don't love myself.  So it's not as good as it could be.  Or as good as it should be.

And that's the thing.  My life should be better because I should love myself.  Why shouldn't I?  I'm smart and I have two pieces of paper that say so (though I only have the hard copy of my degree; never got my certificate from college).  I'm witty and generous and loving and helpful and I've got pretty blue eyes.  But I'm not skinny.

Now, how awful is that?  Loving myself less because I'm not skinny.  And I know that being thinner won't make my life complete; after all, there were times in my life when I've been lighter than I am now and my life was far from perfect in those times.  But I look at it this way: my life is so good right now and loving myself will only make it better - and I'll really be able to love myself when I'm thinner.  So I'm going to keep working at losing weight...but I'm also going to keep working at learning to love myself now.

Like many things, though, it's much easier said than done.

Wednesday, March 23, 2011

On diet and exercise

Here's an interesting blurb I found on the Globe and Mail:
You don’t need to worry about food if you’re exercising.

It takes a lot of exercise to generate a calorie deficit large enough to impact the bathroom scale. For example, if you weigh 200 pounds, it takes roughly 35 minutes of jogging, 75 minutes of brisk walking, or 110 minutes of weightlifting to burn 500 calories. You’ll need to do that every day to lose a pound each week. (Plus, it’s easy to justify eating a little more if you’ve worked out, a common mistake that can hinder weight loss.)
Cutting calories makes a bigger impact on weight loss since it’s relatively easier to eat smaller portions, but the best approach is a combination of diet and exercise. Health benefits aside, you’ll be more likely to maintain your weight loss if exercise is part of your regime.

I know I've fallen into the trap where I think because I exercise I don't have to worry about my eating as much or that I can eat more or eat bad things.  In a perfect world, I'd have time for a 75 minute brisk walk every day because that would be lovely and calming (as well as exercise-y and good for weight loss) but I'd only lose a pound a week if I did that every day.  And who has time for that?  

And this all comes back to the idea of making a lifestyle change, adjusting my diet and factoring in regular exercise in a way that I can maintain it.  Because even if you can find time to power walk for 75 minutes every day, can you do that for the rest of your life?

I sure can't.  (But if you can, could you let me know how???)

Tuesday, March 22, 2011

Up-Down Challenge Weigh-in #6

There was some sad news last week: my boyfriend's grandmother passed away.  Because of this, we took some time off to be with his family and help prepare for the funeral service.  It was a busy, emotional time and I wasn't all that concerned with my eating, as there were more pressing needs.

Imagine my surprise, then, when I stepped on the scale last night and was down to 196.4 lb.
That's 1.6 lb down from my last weigh-in.

It's times like this that I really don't understand the scale or how my body works.

I've also passed on the Happy Monday post this week, for obvious reasons.

Tuesday, March 15, 2011

Chicken parmesan

This morning, while at work, I was struck by an intense, all-consuming craving for a chicken parmesan sandwich.  Just the thought of the tomato sauce, melty mozzarella cheese and crispy chicken on a soft bun made me all Homer Simpson drooly for one.

But I put this out of my mind when I headed downstairs to the cafeteria for lunch...

...and saw that a chicken parmesan sandwich was one of today's specials.

Damn you, cafeteria.

I stood and stared at the sandwich for a few seconds, imagining what it would taste like - then made a beeline for the salad bar.

Take that, temptation!

It's all about the small victories.

Sunday, March 13, 2011

Up-Down Challenge Weigh-in #5

This is going to be quick because I'm knackered, thanks to stupid daylight savings time and losing an hour of sleep.  Every year it knocks me on my bum and this year is no exception.

So my weight this week isn't that great, but I've just got to realize I've got to keep working at it and I'll get there.  Eventually.

Since I bailed on weighing in last week due to shame and frustration, here's a quick recap:

Starting weight: 200.2lb

Week 1: 197.6 lb
Week 2: 195.2 lb
Week 3: 196.0 lb
Week 4: 196.4 lb
Week 5: no weigh-in
Week 6: 198.0 lb

So I'm really only 2.2 lb down from when I started this challenge back on January 31.  That is not good progress.  I'm going to keep going but it's still incredibly frustrating.  At one point, I was down 5 lb and I'm still annoyed I couldn't keep that momentum going. 

I know it's my diet.  I know that.  I'm just being stubborn in really accepting that. 

But all I can do is keep trying.

You know what, Spring Ahead?

Saturday, March 12, 2011

Tough love

No more...

...than 2 days (and ideally 1 day) between workouts...

...until I reach my goal.

Tuesday, March 8, 2011

Desserts spelled backwards is stressed

My foul mood from last night is finally starting to abate.  I know I'm in the midst of a setback and that I can't let it discourage me.  And I've been getting some wonderful encouragement from the Beau and from a wonderful woman he introduced into my life (which helps further affirm I'm with the right man) and that has helped me.

But today, after having a near meltdown at the doctor's office after waiting over an hour for my appointment and then rescheduling and walking out in a huff, I think I've figured out what's causing my grief: I'm stressed.

As I mentioned earlier, I'm starting a new job on March 23, with Maclean's, and this is a dream job for me.  But I'm not stressed about Maclean's; I'm stressed about training the people who will replace me and making sure they are properly informed and comfortable with their new responsibilities before I go.  Oh, and I've got to put out one more issue of Flare, a special supplement for Flare, various supplements for Connected and an issue of Connected for Business.  All in the next two weeks, of course.


I've read that stress can make you gain weight for various reasons and I'm beginning to think that's what's going on with me (despite thinking previously that I was immune to the health-wrecking affects of stress).  I'm not sleeping as well as I should be; my stomach always seems to be rumbling, even after I eat; I feel anxious and overwhelmed; and I'm more than a little on edge when I have no reason to be. 

I'm fortunate that my new job will keep me not just within the same company, but also on the same floor so I'll be very nearby should my replacements need assistance.  But I also know I'll be busy learning my new role and I want to make sure I leave them with as much as I can so we're not running back and forth to each other, trying to figure things out. 

I just have to keep reminding myself that all I can do is take it a day at a time and do the best I can between now and when I move on.  And that eating right and exercise are GREAT ways to combat stress and - whaddaya know? - are also great ways to get healthy and lose weight.

All right wagon, I'm back on you.  Let's try this again!

Monday, March 7, 2011


I'm too embarrassed and ashamed to post my weigh-in results this week.

I've got to make some serious changes - and I haven't been making enough.

I don't know if I can do this.

Sunday, March 6, 2011

Weigh-in postponed

I'm going to weigh in tomorrow night.  I'm a little hung over today and I've had a lazy, workout-free, kinda bad food kind of day and I want to weigh in after a good food/exercise day.

I really need to curb my Saturday night alcohol intake.


Thursday, March 3, 2011

The big news

Hey, I never shared my big news, did I?

Well, if you know me in the Facebookiverse, you already know, but I'll share again:  I've got a new job!

And not just any new job, I'm going to be working on a weekly magazine.  And not just any magazine, but one of two weekly magazines that I've always wanted to work on.  I'm going to Maclean's!

(The other magazine is The Hockey News.  How nerdy am I?)

My official title is Production Editor - but don't be fooled by the "editor" part.  I'm not actually writing anything, but I'll be working with the editorial department to do schedules and flatplans and keep the edit side on schedule and get the pages to the printer on time.  I'm incredibly excited but it hasn't really sunk in yet, mainly because I still have to put out one more issue of Flare, train my replacement on Flare, put out another issue of Connected for Business, train my replacement on the Connected account and tie up all kinds of loose ends between now and March 22.


But it will be worth it and I CAN'T WAIT!

Wednesday, March 2, 2011

A Wednesday story

Let me tell you about my day.

It being a work day, I got up later than I should, did my thing at home and was out the door later than I should have been.  I picked up a copy of Metro at the subway station (as I do each morning) and, as I sat down on the subway, opened to the first page.

There before me was a double-page spread ad for H&M, advertising their new pants.  Now, I like pants.  As with most people, pants are a necessity of my life (a girl can't wear skirts all the time) but women's pants have also become more varied over the last little while.  Skinny jeans; leggings; trouser-cut pants; high-waisted 70s style pants; harem pants; you name it, it's pretty much in style.  So I'm always interested to see what the "new" pants are, since they all seem to be out there already.

Anyways, H&M was hawking several of the above styles, but they were new for spring so I guess that counts as new.  One pair of pants shown was priced as $9.99.  My first though was, "That's a crappy typo to have."  But then I realized this is H&M so $9.99 pants isn't the strangest thing in the world.  I figured they must be made from the leftover thread of their other clothes and didn't think much more of them.

I got to work and went about my day.  I worked through my lunch hour in preparation of two back-to-back afternoon meetings....that were both canceled about 5 minutes before their respective starts.  Balls.  However, this opened up the opportunity to venture outside into the Arctic winds (how is it that Toronto is so magical that, no matter what way you walk, you're always walking into the wind?  Even when there are no buildings around?) and headed down to H&M.  I wasn't thinking so much about pants; more, I just wanted a destination where I could wander around bright, springtime clothes for a bit and not be hassled by salespeople.

Upon arriving at H&M, lo and behold, there were the $9.99 pants.  The advertisement showed them in khaki and I don't do khaki because I'm pale and kinda round and khaki just emphasizes both these traits.  But these magical $9.99 pants also came in navy and a pretty coral-red.  I can do navy.  And, oddly enough, they were not made of the equivalent of Ziploc bags but were actually cotton. 

Wait.  Navy cotton pants for $9.99?  And they were actually cute?  I just had to give them a try!

Now, I haven't tried on bottoms at H&M for near on two years, mainly because the bottoms there don't fit me.  As the sizes get bigger, H&M assumes the person grows square-like, without hips or a bottom, just a slab of a person.  And nothing fits me.  So I wasn't optimistic about these Shangri-La-esque $9.99 pants but I still began looking for my size.  I always default for the largest size - usually a size 14 at H&M - because historically I have always been the largest size.  Alas, no size 14. 

But there was a size 12.

So herein was my quandry: do I try on the size 12 and completely crush my confidence?  Do I walk away from the $9.99 pants, because really, $9.99 pants from H&M can't last that long?  I decided to go for it.  I tried them on.


Holy shit, the size 12 pants from H&M fit.  Despite my weight gain over the past two weeks.  Despite not being all that slim to begin with.  Despite being all hippy and bummy and belly-y. 


So I bought them. 

And that was my day.

Tuesday, March 1, 2011

Awkward... having a conversation with a senior colleague while in the stall in the ladies' room, pooping.